THE TRANSPORTER - by Brooklyn

THIS REVIEW IS FOR THE EDITED VERSION.

It's amazing what one will do when there's nothing on the ol' telly. My roomate was in the kitchen baking cookies, filling the house with good sugary-smelling goodness and I could only stare at her cooking production for so long. So into the living room I go, all bloated from milk and cookies to find some form of entertainment. I was flipping through the channels (at my place it only takes about 10 seconds, we don't have many channels) and after realizing there was only reruns, third rate reality shows, and well, that was it, I landed on FX, a.k.a. leftover Fox, where they were showing a movie called THE TRANSPORTER.

This movie came out a few years ago, but I remember hearing about it. The plot of this movie is a guy moves things in his car, and well, that's it. Actually, forget any mention of a plot, because this movie did not need one or really use it. It had fast cars, fast men, and one extremely fast little girl and when I call her fast, well, it has nothing to do with a car. The lead character was a really hot Bald-Vin-Diesel look-alike from Britain who can do kung fu. yes ladies, they did not make this movie for men. I like to call our extremely fit stud BVD (British Vin Diesel) and that has nothing do to with underwear because he had nothing to do with underwear in this film.

While watching this movie, I was imagining the working title, so here goes:

FAST AND THE FURIOUS: BVD VS. THE WORLD

GONE IN 60 KILOMETERS

HERBIE: THE TESTOSTERONE FILLED LOVE BMW

In all sincerity, I did like this movie. The action sequences were totally cool and made me giggle like a 10 year old girl at a Backstreet Boys concert. BVD was hot, the love story was more of a lust story, and once again, the girl was just a little whiny thing who had to constantly be rescued for what reason -- we don't know nor do we care. This movie was very by the Hollywood numbers, even though Hollywood was not involved. Here are the numbers:

1 hot BVD - 1 assinine damsel in distress + an actual international cast - the sterotypical international cast = an OK movie that will feeed the mass what they want

For me, it had all that I needed.