Tuesday, May 31, 2011


KUNG FU PANDA 2 is rated an 8 for cool fighting and for making me cry.
ATLAS SHRUGGED gets a 3 for being a Lifetime for Men movie.

1. Po isn't as Jack Black-y as he used to be. Now that he's the Dragon Warrior and running with real fighters he only gets to be silly or funny in very infrequent bursts. Weird. Being awesome doesn't automatically make you not a geek. It just means you are an awesome geek.

2. My sister and I laughed out loud when Po had to climb the stairs.

3. Since when do wolves look like rats? This is a cartoon rat:

This is a cartoon wolf:

This is a wolf in KFP2:
Also not sure that Seth Rogan was the best choice of voice for the above wolf.

4. Whomever did the art direction watched a LOT of Samurai Jack.

5. This movie might possibly have the best depiction of a parent who is a "feeder" ever captured on film. Po's duck father gives him a hug and says, "Have you lost weight? I can almost wrap my wings around you. You must be feeling SO weak. How about a steam bun?"

6. Question: Is it more or less fun to watch a film and notice all the elements which will become a video game? Discuss.

7. 3D is not critical to the enjoyment of this film.

8. Master Tigress ROCKS! And Master Viper is SO my little sister! "Whatever, Mantis, this is not about you!"

9. This film is really more of a straight kung fu movie with some inner peace and a coupe of jokes. I liked it. I want to see it again.

10. When I walked out of the theater and saw the words "Fast Five" above the neighboring theater I got really excited about there being a movie all about the Furious Five!... and then I remembered that FAST FIVE is a Vin Diesel movie. Huge disappointment.

11. On the up side, there is the potential for KUNG FU PANDA 3. =)

I must admit that I went to see this film because I A) thought it would be absolutely horrible and B) my sister was invited to see it by a man-friend and part of me delights in tagging along and "throwing off the Emperor's groove", if you know what I mean. =)

I was wrong on both counts. This movie isn't absolutely horrible and I can't be absolutely horrible to other people, even if just for fun.

However, ATLAS SHRUGGED still is a pretty bad movie. It isn't as bad as GLITTER or THE WORK AND THE GLORY, or PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, but that doesn't make it good. All those SyFi B-grade monster movies are more fun. ATLAS SHRUGGED is just Libertarian porn. Below is my list of reasons why.

1. There are only 3 women in this film and 2 of them are horrible. The other 13 primary characters are men who spend a lot of time drinking and saying "manly" things in bars or wood-paneled offices, or the back of limousines.

2. The one "good" woman in this film allegedly has an engineering degree, runs the family railroad business behind her brother's back, wears a lot of short skirts, and says things like "Where have all the good men gone?" while looking over her shoulder at her steel contractor and batting her eyelashes.

3. No one in this movie called the one "good" woman a b*%&h OR a whore. So you know it's not realistic. (Really, we are all just lucky she doesn't wear glasses that she rips off before tearing off her ill-fitting business suit. That would have been exactly like a porn. And she would have looked like Sarah Palin.)

4. It's about trains. Trains. My great-grandfathers worked for the railroads. Trains? I like trains just fine but cutting edge they are not. To make this less silly they upped the bass on all the train noises. Because if it's thundering, it's cool.

5. The actors are forced to say the most contrived ridiculous lines whey they aren't spouting off about obscure governmental jargon and complex political maneuvering. Which means I rolled my eyes through 20 percent of the dialog and ignored another 50%. Obviously this makes me an emotional and economic leech upon those with enough brilliance and genius to Get Things Done. I totally deserve to live in a collapsed economic system with a corrupt government and rioting in the street and gasoline costing $37.50 a gallon. It's all my fault.

5'. Oddly, the characters themselves express surprise at how quickly crappy legislation gets passed in Washington.

6. Somehow, in this story, it's okay to cheat on your wife. Really? If you don't like her, have the balls to get rid of her. Cheating is just tacky. And how suspiciously homosexual is it to pick the leading actor for his body alone (he wasn't picked for his acting!) in a movie made primarily for men? He has two sex scenes. And the first of them is exceedingly unpleasant.

7. Along the same lines, there is a lot of science-geek awkwardness. If you are attracted to a coworker and are contemplating cheating on your wife with her, probably not the best move to say "Did you get my wife's invitation to our anniversary party?" Well, unless it's Libertarian porn. Then that totally WORKS!

8. I'm not really sure who they are preaching to in this film. We live in a country which has Wal-Mart. We are not afraid of functional monopolies.

9. They think there's gonna be a sequel. Why do they think this? Who is John Galt?


Sorry, there are actually, according to IMDB, a few more females in this film. They are a secretary, a TV news announcer, a few waitresses, a widow rancher in Wyoming, and a bitter entitled white trash woman in Arkansas. So that makes it all better.

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