Since I don't have to go to work tomorrow until noon (my hairdresser is coming to my house to cut my hair at 9:30am. You heard me: she's coming to my house. MY HAIRDRESSER LOVES ME!! It's wonderful to have someone when I've been alone with my hair for so long...) the best thing to do after a long day was to read reviews of bad movies on Spiderpop.com (warning: they use bad words) until midnight and then start a MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE double header while filling gelcaps with ground tumeric (I'll explain later) and eating large marshmallows. (Number of marshmallows naudy can eat before getting sick: 15)
As I can't remember a lot of the movie (I'll never eat marshmallows again! Someone get me away from the sugar!! It's like an episode of 'Home Movies'!!!) I made sure to take notes. And, since my copy of the Denzel Washington 2004 re-make of the movie arrived cracked in the mail, I was not forced to watch the newer movie. I am glad of this. This is a movie that should not be remade. The original is already what 1962 aspired to be. So, in honor of The Wee Small
Hours of the Morning (an excellent Sinatra album which I'm listening to right now in honor of Frank actually being in the film I just watched) I now present my notes on this film:
Nice film noir/Kurasawa rip-off shot
Traitorous Korean! I should have known I couldn't trust him!
Is that a black man? They had those in 1962?
Nice music! Go David Amram!
Ah! The major! He's hot in that "Wonder Woman would really dig him" sort of way. However, he's got a British accent.... what's up w/ that?
Angela Landsbury! She must be evil!
He calls his mother "Mother" and he's angry with her 'cause she's throwing him a parade. He's got issues.
Note to self: Get private plane and have twinkle lights installed over the mini-bar area.
Angela Landsbury just called someone a Communist!!!
Sweaty fleshy mumbling Sinatra lying in a bed. Sad prophesy of the future....
At last! After a really long lecture about hydrangeas, we see it's all a brainwashing scam by the Russians and Chinese!! What a surprise!! Good thing they didn't make me wait the whole movie to figure that one out!
Another black man! Cool!
8 marshmallows = faintly sick
Nat King Cole look-alike wakes up from nightmare screaming!
Is it bad to like the evil Chinese doctor? He's just so cheerful!
Sinatra plays against type as the insomniac chain-smoking alcoholic bookworm who hangs around in a MacArthur army jacket. Seriously? You know Frank wasn't that into books....
Why would you ask a blond bombshell of a woman who just lit a cigarette for you 'cause you've got the shakes if she's Arabic? Is that some sort of kinky 1962 code?
Sweaty!
Weirdest pick-up I've ever seen.
Frank Sinatra -- Action Hero!
Number of loud pointless telephone conversations in Spanish: 1
Blond shows up at police station to bail out Frank and tells him, (while licking a handkerchief and cleaning the blood off his face and after having lit his cigarette,) that she dumped her fiance because she wants to be with our boy Sinatra. They then kiss. Frighteningly, I think this is cool. Too much sugar...
Total marshmallow count: 14. Officially sick.
Quote: "Of course I'm interested! [in listening to the Congressional Medal of Honor winner talk about why he hates his mother.] It's like listening to Orestes gripe about Clytemnestra!" Best. And. Most. Improbable. Sinatra. Line. EVER!!!
Cigarette count at 1 hr 4 min: 19
Man in 1950's bathing trunks! Snake bite! Girl is babbling on in a charming way and then takes off her shirt! She's wearing hot pants and then rides her bike home!!! What kind of movie is this!!!!
Nice! An ACLU reference. These guys are hip.
There have already been more African-Americans in this film than any 10 non-Wayans-brothers films this year.
+38 points to Angela Landsbury for Most Terrifying Cold War Speech EVER!!!
Loose lips sink ships and guys in Army Intelligence shouldn't be telling their non-Arab(?) girlfriends about state secrets.
DEATH!!!
Number of cigarettes at 1hr 40 min: 27
Sweaty!!
EEEEWWW!!! MOM KISS ON THE MOUTH AND IT'S LONG!!!!
Madison Square Garden in 1962 -- still dumpy
SWEATY!!!!!
Total swear words in this film: 4 [all of them are the word "hell" and Frank says two of them in the last 30 seconds when he's supposed to be acting ]
The best way to end a movie? With a lightning bolt and a roll of thunder. Good way to distract from Franks limitations.
One more marshmallow brings the total to 15. You'll need to excuse me as I think my pancreas just went into shock.
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