Your source for pointless, nobody-cares-but-us movie reviews. We grade movies on a 1-10 scale (1 = It sucked my soul out through my eyes and 10 = I'm buying the DVD so I can tuck it under my pillow at night and sing little songs to it.)
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
The Big!Lots Special: HONKY TONK FREEWAY and HARUM SCARUM -- by naudy
HONKY TONK FREEWAY: a 6 for having a real rinocerous
HARUM SCARUM: a 4 for poor spelling
I don't know what you have in your town but where I live, we have stores called Big!Lots. Big!Lots sells all the strange, unappetising, and ugly things other stores couldn't manage to get rid of any other way.
I know you won't be surprised to hear that I shop at this store. Weird things appeal to me and cheap stuff is even better. I could happily eat for a year on food exclusively from Big!Lots, but I'm probably the only person who enjoys Fish Steak (in Chili Oil) on Light Rye Crackers.
Anyway, yesterday I was wandering around the local Big!Lots and found the cheap/discounted/bad movies. After snickering at the 60+ copies of BATTLEFIELD EARTH (Still Available!! Only $2.99!!) (and I already own a copy of BATTLEFEILD EARTH. Yes, it is that bad.) I started to browse and found some things. HONKY TONK FREEWAY is about a lot of random people and a small town in Florida. It has every '70's actor in the world in it and I thought it was funny. I found it to be a satisfying $2.99 purchase. In fact, I'll probably force others to watch it.
As for HARUM SCARUM, it's probably the worst Elvis movie ever made. Which means I had to have it. There's no way to describe the fleshy flesh-toned glory that is The King at the end of his film career, but that dosn't mean you shouldn't see it.
Admittly, you should probably watch this with a voicerifous pack of people who are strung out on sugar but that still dosn't mean it's not worth the price I paid for it.
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