Friday, August 26, 2005

SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL IN 3D -- by naudy


I wanted to see a horrible children's film but without the screeching horrible children so I went to see this movie (which is horrible) at 9:35pm on a school night. I was shocked to see that there were at least 25 kids there. What kind of moms bring their kids to a movie that gets out at 11:15? I managed to see TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES at a theater only populated by my rowdy friends and myself. And at the 10:30 showing of POWER RANGERS -- THE MOVIE! that same pack of rowdy friends managed to codify the rules to watching a terrible movie late at night in a deserted theater. It obviously involves a lot of cheering and booing at appropriate times, helping the characters do their jobs (look behind you!), getting up and dancing whenever we are treated to a montage set to bad pop music, and -- the most exciting bit -- whenever the Moral Of The Movie is presented, the first one to leap from her seat, race down the asile, touch the wall the movie is being projected on, and landing back in her seat BEFORE the Moral is over is the winner untill the next bad movie.

Anyway, I watched SB & LG 3D last night with all the kids and I'm gonna let yall in on a little secret --- the red and blue 3D glasses DON'T WORK!!! I know that's a shock. 3D works just fine at the IMAX theater, right?

It works at the IMAX 'cause they don't use red and blue glasses! The red and blue glasses have NEVER worked! If they did, they would have caught on in the '50's! Folks, instead of having glasses which change from dirty yellow to dark amber when the sun hits them, would have "television glasses" that would change to red and blue when television flourescence hit 'em. Everything would be 3D! We never would have developed mouses to control our computers! We would have just put on our 3D glasses and waved our arms around a lot!

So, not only did this movie have some of the worst child acting I'v seen since Barney The Dinosaur, but you coun't actually see a lot of it 'cause it was in that really irritating non-color that red/blue 3D is in.

Whatever. I know it's my own fault for going to see it. So to focus on the postivie, the little "ice princess" girl in the movie (Sasha Pieterse) actually has that "something" which will make her an Oscar nominee in eight years if she's in a film which is considered "important" or has a lot of nudity. Hopefully she'll become famous enough to revolutionize 3D movies. Or at least stop them from being made.