ONE FOR THE MONEY -- as reviewed by Nat Hall

Catherine Heigl, squatting next to a dumpster

I have very little in common with my dad.  I am a hairdresser, he has no hair.  I love to talk movies and fashion, he likes to talk basketball and Big Foot. (Not that he believes in it just that he has been seeing a lot of it on his History Channel.  I know this because it was brought up randomly in a recent conversation, and my mom  bitched about it.  He has been doing a lot of big foot viewing.)  THEREFORE, knowing that, it did come up one day that I was currently reading a chick book that I was embarrassed to talk about.  He mentioned he too was in the middle of a chick book. He found it at the break room table at work and was tired of reading the news so he picked it up...and read and read...he liked it, and thought it was pretty funny.  I told him about the same book I was currently reading and enjoying.  We both agreed it was worth the free read (I picked mine up and the library) and we both realized it was One For the Money.   

My AUNT Lorie on the other hand LOVES these books. LOVES THEM SO MUCH that she talks about the main character Stephanie Plum, as a real person. KNOWING that background I realized a few things when I saw the movie; 1) My aunt is going to get her wish, (though only the part about Stephanie Plum being a real person, not that they would be BFF's), and 2) although this book is amusing, it should never be made into a movie.  

Katherine Heigl is so very Jersey you know. I know this because she wears animal print, smokey eye shadow, fake nails a mile long, uses bronzer to touch-up her fake tan, and her Snooky-like bumpit riding in that fro...oh wait. That is far from the truth.  That is Jersey- AND THIS IS NOT.   Calling girls cupcake is not a term of endearment, its something your creepy ex-boyfriend calls you who won't realize that you are o-v-e-r.  If you ran into a bad ass who shot a lot of guns hunting bastards for living, he would NOT be patient with a girl who knew zippity do dah about guns...he wouldn't help her, he would shoot her.  

Couldn't they have SOME sort of mystery to throw us of the scent of who the killer was?  I mean make SOME effort so that we think it COULD be Morelli.  I mean the cops are pretty sure, so maybe we should be pretty sure instead of sitting in the audience thinking,  "Seriously? There is no way this douche bag did it.  I know it, because he isn't that smart. NOW why Why WHY can nobody figure it out?"  You know who figured it out? The STONER figured it out...only because he saw it go down, but he was HIGH at the time.   

"SIGH."  That wasn't even me sighing, that was what the woman next to me said loudly 35 mins into the movie. Clearly she realized the same things we all did...that this was truly money wasted.  

And what of my dad?  When I told him of the movie based on the same book that we enjoyed, and read for free, he shook his head sadly and said "I knew nothing good would come of the movie".