CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Brought to you by the letters "V", "R" and the number (4)

"V" is for surnames which end in "- o" "v"
for the Bulgarian crew and locations you see.

Someone off screen just yelled "Bolen sam!"

"R" is for blood, guts, and violence plenty
and don't forget naked slave girls w/ no panties.

This is a nip-free blog.

"4" is because I liked Conan's skirt,
though if you're wearing fur boots, you should wear a shirt.

Congratulations! By looking at this photo you have seen the full range of Mr. Momoa's acting ability!

Ron Perlman is in it, and that makes me glad.
He C-sectioned his wife and became Conan's dad.

Ron's sword isn't actually on fire.  However, he's so cool it might as well be.

The kid who plays Conan is better by far
than Mr. Momoa.  That kid is a star.

Run Leo!  Save your career!

The bad guys are bad, you can tell by their hair,
and when posing for photos they make quite a pair.

Oh, watch out. She's totally gonna blow sand in your eyes.

Of course there's a girl, and of course she needs saving
She screams "CONAN!" a lot instead of just fainting.

"I'm a monk w/ martial arts training who's far too polite to do anything about that whole  sacrifice-the-pureblood-to-the-dark-gods-and-create-an-evil-empire thing yall have planned."

So was the film good? Not even a bit.
I understand now why it isn't a hit.
The shaky-cam fights got silly real quick
and, ignoring the plot of this ridiculous flick,
I can safely say you should watch anything else
than this lazy CONAN THE BARBARIAN mess.

"I hear that Winnie-the-Pooh movie is good. Let's go see that!"