Saturday, August 27, 2011

CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Brought to you by the letters "V", "R" and the number (4)

"V" is for surnames which end in "- o" "v"
for the Bulgarian crew and locations you see.
Someone off screen just yelled "Bolen sam!"

"R" is for blood, guts, and violence plenty
and don't forget naked slave girls w/ no panties.

This is a nip-free blog.

"4" is because I liked Conan's skirt,
though if you're wearing fur boots, you should wear a shirt.

Congratulations! By looking at this photo you have seen the full range of Mr. Momoa's acting ability!

Ron Perlman is in it, and that makes me glad.
He C-sectioned his wife and became Conan's dad.

Ron's sword isn't actually on fire.  However, he's so cool it might as well be.

The kid who plays Conan is better by far
than Mr. Momoa.  That kid is a star.

Run Leo!  Save your career!

The bad guys are bad, you can tell by their hair,
and when posing for photos they make quite a pair.

Oh, watch out. She's totally gonna blow sand in your eyes.
Of course there's a girl, and of course she needs saving
She screams "CONAN!" a lot instead of just fainting.

"I'm a monk w/ martial arts training who's far too polite to do anything about that whole  sacrifice-the-pureblood-to-the-dark-gods-and-create-an-evil-empire thing yall have planned."
So was the film good? Not even a bit.
I understand now why it isn't a hit.
The shaky-cam fights got silly real quick
and, ignoring the plot of this ridiculous flick,
I can safely say you should watch anything else
than this lazy CONAN THE BARBARIAN mess.

"I hear that Winnie-the-Pooh movie is good. Let's go see that!"


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS (9)

When mutations go right.
First of all, why didn't anyone tell me!?  This movie is really good!  Where were the fanboys? Where was the buzz?  Why didn't everyone get excited about this movie and tell me to see it before it got to the dollar theater??  I had friends who saw it and said "Oh, I enjoyed it." but no one was running around pounding on doors and yelling in keyholes with the news that this X-Men movie not only didn't suck but is REALLY GOOD!  It's all 60's and glamorous and has people who can act AND Hally Berry IS NOT IN IT! It's a win for everyone!  Was X MEN: THE LAST STAND so bad that no one likes X Men movies anymore?

......

Oh.  Yeah... X3 was really bad....

"My evil secretaries always wear white catsuits. Why?"
Well friends, it's time to put on your big kid underwear and go see FIRST CLASS right now!  It has Kevin Bacon in it so it's actually required viewing.  You get to meet Beast when he's not the Beast, Magneto before he's Magneto, and Professor X when he's trying to get into co-ed's pants.  You get to see how everything started.  You even learn how Magneto and Professor X got to be friends and why they are always going on in the other movies about how much they lurv each other and why the other one is wrong.   You learn all about Mystique and, listen closely,... Cyclops ISN'T in it.

Super Stripper-power
What? You want more?  There's a really groovy African-American man but he dies cause everyone sucks.  (Yes I'm bitter.)  You get to see things blow up.  It's the 60's so everyone has killer style.  There are languages other than English in this film and the accents are superb.  The bad guy has a yacht which turns into a submarine. There are girls in their underwear in Las Vegas.  There is even a Cuban Missile Crisis!  What else do you need!

Fine.  Wolverine has a cameo.  Just see it.  It's good.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Not Enough Alcohol In The World: Field Notes from a Star Trek Party

What: Star Trek Party at The Crown Nightclub, the Rio Casino, Las Vegas Nevada

When: Thursday August 11th, 10:30pm

Objective: To observe the effects of moving one small specialized social group out of their normal environment and into a completely alien social situation. 

Common Trekkies

Historical Background:  Trekkies (or Trekkers as they are also known) are a specialized sub-group of the standard population.  As with any group there are varying degrees of devotion to the icons which the culture reveres but generally all self-selected members of this group have several things in common.  Namely
  • a willingness to watch and be at least moderately familiar with the characters and plot lines of a television show known as "Star Trek" and it's subsequent spin-off shows
  • tolerance and even appreciation for persons who are willing to change their appearance through clothing and make up to appear like the characters in the above television show
  • and a tendency to be more comfortable playing games (board, card, electronic) to structure their social interactions.
Uncommon Trekkies

This last common denominator strongly affects the events detailed in the below field notes as The Crown nightclub has no tables for games and an acoustic environment which discourages and even inhibits verbal communication.  Since Trekkies generally use gaming to showcase their intelligence or at lease their exhaustive knowledge of specialized trivia, being dropped into an environment where most of the mating information is gained merely by a simple physical display of genetic fitness  is bound to cause some stress.


Standard Party-going attire
Entry Into The Event:  The Crown nightclub is located in the casino at the Rio resort and casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.  Entry into the nightclub is managed by potential customers queueing up between fabricated brass railings until the dark suited security staff deem it appropriate for the next patrons to enter.  Typically, for an event of this nature, the official start time of 10:30 pm serves as merely a guideline for patrons, a time point to miss rather than meet.  However, most of the Trekkies were early.  This group, as a whole, tends to gather at more time-specific events, such as film screenings and lectures from beloved personalities, when being early is to their benefit.  Indeed, waiting in line with others who share your excitement for the coming event is experienced as one of the pleasures of the actual event.  This was reflected in the crowd outside The Crown, with a noticeable cheerful chatty festival atmosphere shared by everyone.  There was lots of admiring the clothing of strangers and posing for photos. I complimented several ensembles myself while waiting for my colleagues to arrive.  The "Currently Experiencing Pon Phar" t-shirt worn by a 60+ yr old man made me laugh in particular.

This was the crowd after a LOT of alcohol

The Event:  The Crown nightclub is constructed as a series of ringed platforms around a circular dance floor, all of which face a stage area.  The ringed platforms all have white couches of moderate length with tables positioned before them.  These couches are available for a fee to patrons of the establishment as a home base to the festivities.  They also serve as a signal of one's relative wealth and are an excellent place to see and be seen.  Typically the couches go unreserved until later in the evening as standard nightclub-goers prefer to be ambulatory and visible, dancing and socializing.  Trekkies all claimed their seats as soon as they arrived and the majority of the crowd simply sat and observed the other patrons.   This proved somewhat frustrating to the event planners who continued to interrupt the music in order to urge everyone to "get on your feet!", "try something new!", and "get your hands in the air" - typical crowd-rousing calls.  These entreaties only garnered some half-hearted cheering and then the majority of the patrons resumed their conversations or wandered off to join others on their couches.

Though this nice Romulan couple tried to dance
The difference in response to this stimuli might be explained in two ways.  Firstly, the alcohol factor.  Typical nightclub patrons believe alcohol to be a way to release inhibitions and excuse social behavior which is not normative. (see: "The Shore" ) In contrast, Trekkies use alcohol as a way to "relax" or take a brief chemical respite from the stresses of everyday interactions.  Because of this difference, no amount of alcohol consumption will ever be enough to prompt the sort of willfully unacceptable behaviour seen at nightclubs.  Alcohol only encouraged a stronger sense of settling into those white couches.

The second factor prohibiting the Trekkies from "getting the party started" was this demographics genuine disinterest in the "party" which the event planners were encouraging.  Rubbing up on random strangers is far less exciting than discussing the merits of favorite Captains with someone who shares your interest.  The typical obsession with the imaginary universe of Star Trek suggests a personality which is far more focused on the intellectual vs the physical and so no amount of encouragement or inebriates will be enough to start the "party."

I was in no way objective when posing for this photo

Summation:  It was a fascinating evening and I am glad to have been invited to experience this event.  Contrary to my expectations, the Trekkies did not change their patterns of behavior but found a way to change the environment to suit their needs. This happening has inspired me to begin research on the doctoral dissertation titled "Taking the Magic Out of the Magic Kingdom: Pin Trading at Disneyland."  Pin traders are another subculture which proves that you can take the nerd to a party but you can't make them have fun.