Okay, let's just talk about this for a moment. To begin, look at this poster:
There's a giant white dude who's kind of feeling insecure about that chin strap,
a black man who is looking at him with EXTREME distrust
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A skeezy-looking Robert Redford who is openly looking at a woman's bottom
a WWE wrestler who is wondering WTF??? (Though I suppose he could also be in a metal band. Is being a rock star a super power? Well... a super power Marvel make movies about?)
and, bless her heart, Scarlet Johanson
who somehow is supposed to look like Storm
but with no powers, or Mary Magdalene
without the cool skull, or Julie Andrews
without being just super amazing.
Is she supposed to be Liberache?
Caroline and I just saw DIVERGENT in the theater and on the way to the car we tried to walk like Scarlet Johanson is supposed to be walking (floating? ascending? fighting?) in this poster.
Study this again and you can try it at home! Look up into the high middle distance, hold your guns loosely and out to the side, and then walk -- but make sure your knees cross each other while walking. If you ever separate your thighs YOU LOOSE!... and you have to start over again!
It's awesome! And everyone ends up looking like this:
Try it with your friends today!
Oh, also, DIVERGENT was pretty okay. The soundtrack was good, the costumes were okay, the tattoos were nice, and the sets were wonderfully constructed (or generated in the case of the CGI.) I thought it was weird (alarming? confusing?) that one of her major fears was being raped by her boyfriend and he ended up actually beating her up at the end of the movie, but, well, it wasn't sparkley vampires so, eh. Here's a photo and stuff.
There's a giant white dude who's kind of feeling insecure about that chin strap,
a black man who is looking at him with EXTREME distrust
A skeezy-looking Robert Redford who is openly looking at a woman's bottom
a WWE wrestler who is wondering WTF??? (Though I suppose he could also be in a metal band. Is being a rock star a super power? Well... a super power Marvel make movies about?)
and, bless her heart, Scarlet Johanson
who somehow is supposed to look like Storm
but with no powers, or Mary Magdalene
without the cool skull, or Julie Andrews
without being just super amazing.
Is she supposed to be Liberache?
Caroline and I just saw DIVERGENT in the theater and on the way to the car we tried to walk like Scarlet Johanson is supposed to be walking (floating? ascending? fighting?) in this poster.
Study this again and you can try it at home! Look up into the high middle distance, hold your guns loosely and out to the side, and then walk -- but make sure your knees cross each other while walking. If you ever separate your thighs YOU LOOSE!... and you have to start over again!
It's awesome! And everyone ends up looking like this:
Try it with your friends today!
Oh, also, DIVERGENT was pretty okay. The soundtrack was good, the costumes were okay, the tattoos were nice, and the sets were wonderfully constructed (or generated in the case of the CGI.) I thought it was weird (alarming? confusing?) that one of her major fears was being raped by her boyfriend and he ended up actually beating her up at the end of the movie, but, well, it wasn't sparkley vampires so, eh. Here's a photo and stuff.
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| "So, I'm sensing that because I am your teacher, you are conflicted over whether or not to view me as a mentor or mate. How about I act very aggressivly and then we cuddle? Will that help? Yes? No?" |
These reviews are my favorite of the internets. I want more of this and less of everything else.
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