It has been one of my lifelong dreams to go to a monster truck rally. It all started with a commercial (as most things do, right?), a commercial I often saw on late night television. The Singles Connection 60 second ad was one of the worst pieces of advertising I have ever seen. It included a lot of stock footage of restraunts and Hawaii but also an overweight grumpy-looking couple walking on a polluted beach during a hurricane. “Call Now!” it would say, “Make a connection to last a lifetime!” This delightful commercial would then show a quick sequence of events. First you would see a shot of Las Vegas from on top of the Stratosphere (one of the tackiest places in Vegas). Then a shot of hula girls dancing (a shot they might have stolen from the DVD “Tahitian Treasures”) followed by a championship bull rider (Go NFR!), an image of a monster truck demolishing several cars, and a final picture of a wedding couple kissing in front of a temple.
By this point I was usually hysterical. “Monster Trucks!!” I would yell. “Of course! That’s it! I haven’t been to enough truck rallys!! Now I know!!! That’s the secret to a serious relationship! Monster Trucks!!!” I would then wipe the tears from my eyes and sit there muttering “monster trucks” to myself for the next couple of hours.
Naturally, I told everyone I knew about this pinnacle of advertising. And I told everyone who was single that obviously monster trucks have some mysterious connection to temple marriages. For some reason, no one believed me, which naturally meant I needed to be louder and declare that I would marry the man who took me to a monster truck show.
I got over that. However when a monster truck show came to Salt Lake I decided that I would take my nephew as he specifically told me he likes monster trucks. He mentioned this to me as I was asking my nieces if they would like to go to a U of U volleyball game. The girls were telling me who would like what (Aimee = volleyball, Katie = soccer or baseball, Jamie = gymnastics) when Matthew (aged 5) leaned over the seat and yelled “ I LIKE MONSTER TRUCKS.” So, Matthew got to go.
As I sat in the E Center choking on fumes and hoping the hearing loss wouldn’t be permanent, I realized that monster trucks are a lot like sumo wrestlers. They’re big, there’s a lot of build up, and then it’s over. Thankfully the show had a lot more stuff in it, local trucks competing for speed, minicars, guys on motorcycles doing tricks. And the monster trucks themselves were really loud and really flashy. But, I, like my nephew, was ready to go after two hours. We checked monster trucks off our list of things to do before we die and then went home to watch television. There were some good commercials on.
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