Your source for pointless, nobody-cares-but-us movie reviews. We grade movies on a 1-10 scale (1 = It sucked my soul out through my eyes and 10 = I'm buying the DVD so I can tuck it under my pillow at night and sing little songs to it.)
Friday, July 22, 2005
WHEN BAD ACTORS HAPPEN TO GOOD MOVIES -- by naudy
THE TOP TEN LIST OF ACTORS WHO RUIN MOVIES:
10. Ben Affleck -- painful.
9. Meg Ryan -- more painful.
8. Denise Richards -- sure she was funny in DROP DEAD GEORGUS but I'm not sure she was acting....
7. Madonna -- even her minor cameo in one of the James Bond movies was rash-inducing.
6. Andie MacDowell -- ugh. She makes charming movies intolerable.
5. Jennifer Lopez -- stick to music honey.
4. Liv Tyler -- if Peter Jackson can't get someone to act, they can't act. There is a reason she was hardly in RETURN OF THE KING and it had nothing to do with the book.
3. All of the Baldwin Brothers -- I don't feel I even need to explain why.
2. Julianne Moore -- sucks the life out of everything she touches.
and finally, the king of them all,
1. Keanu Reeves -- this man single-handedly managed to almost ruin MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING, and that was the best cast assembled in the history of time. He made us all feel dead inside when we were under the spell of the MATRIX series (believing there would at some point actually be a point to the whole mess.) He managed to not make me kill myself in CONSTANTINE but only because it was a spectactularly written movie. Paired up with Sandra Bullock he managed to have absoultely no chemistry and tried my patience during SPEED, which didn't go nearly fast enough. 2 Hours of my life I'll never get back.
Anyway, while there's lots of ways to kill a good movie, Mr. Reeves is the most efficient way. He has single-handedly demonstrated that he is the MovieSlayer and always will be.
You forgot Kirsten Dunst. Does Mary Jane Watson always have to look like she's smoking it? Can she have a dialogue that she doesn't flop to the finish of?
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